The Secret Handbook

The title alone makes this blogger's report unique; in that, the Handbook is no longer a 'Secret'. Oops. I can hear it now. The phrase 'Uh, like, DUH!" would be uttered gleefully, unequivocally and repetitively from my secret, super hero spy spouse, Miss Obvious. Oh look.. Now her secret is out.

Because I frequently quote from page 18 of the Parent Handbook, the Teacher Handbook, the Police Handbook, The Salesman's Handbook, the Children's Handbook, the Bully Handbook, the Millionaires Handbook, etc., I was recently asked how one could get their hands on a copy. I informed them that the books were a limited edition collector's set and when I bought the books it was a one time only as seen on TV sale. However, for the next 15 minutes I can divulge a little something....

Here is a little gem that is threaded into the the core of each book. The themes are the same, only the examples were changed to enlighten the reader. The examples paint a vivid picture of experiences that only the reader could understand. Or so I thought.

Conflict & Influence & Intimidation

Stage 1

Before newborns recognize and understand a spoken language, they look at facial features as if to study and comprehend their parents. Whether it is our posture, facial expressions, hands opened or closed, shoulders tense or relaxed, arms crossed or in hands in our pockets, making eye contact or looking down, wearing a police uniform or blood covered butchers smock, long unkempt hair or short manicured hair, etc. the signal of strength or weakness is read from non-verbal cues. This Psychological step can escalate or deescalate any situation.

Here is an experiment that you can try:

1. Day 1 - Walk around the house, work or school with a sullen demeanor.
2. Day 2 - Walk around the house, work or school with a whimsical demeanor.
3. Day 3 - Walk around the house, work or school with a tense demeanor.
4. Day 4 - Walk around the house, work or school with a euphoric demeanor.
5. Day 5 - Talk yourself out of a restraint from your family assuming that you have gone off your meds.

You have now successfully escalated conflict, influenced an assumption and intimidated someone else into a decision.

Stage 2

After newborns recognize and understand body language, they will listen to voice inflections as if to study and comprehend their parents. Whether it is our tone of voice, or volume, or vocabulary you use, our voice is a signal of strength and/or weakness. This Verbal step can escalate or deescalate any situation.

Here is an experiment that you can try:

1. Day 1 - Talk to your family and/or friends with a sullen tone of voice.
2. Day 2 - Talk to your family and/or friends with a whimsical tone of voice.
3. Day 3 - Talk to your family and/or friends with a tense tone of voice.
4. Day 4 - Talk to your family and/or friends with a euphoric tone of voice.
5. Day 5 - Talk yourself out of a restraint from your family assuming that you have gone off your meds.

You have now successfully escalated conflict, influenced an assumption and intimidated someone else into a decision.

Stage 3

After newborns recognize and understand body language and voice inflection, they will test our limits of tolerance as if to study and comprehend their parents. Whether it is a spanking, a pinch, a swat and/or a smack, we use pain compliance to reestablish the signals of strength and/or weakness. This Physical step can escalate or deescalate any situation.

Here is an experiment that you can try:

1. Day 1 - Push or bump into your family and/or friends with a sullen intent.
2. Day 2 - Push or bump into your family members with a whimsical intent.
3. Day 3 - Push or bump into your family and/or friends with a tense intent.

4. Day 4 - Push or bump into your family and/or friends with a euphoric intent.

5. Day 5 - Talk yourself out of a restraining order from your family and/or friends because they have assumed that you have gone off your meds.

You have now successfully escalated conflict, influenced an assumption and intimidated someone else into a decision.

Conclusion

This experiment is prevalent in every minute of every hour of every day! I can relate the 4 Levels of Conflict, Influence and Intimidation to any situation! There is an absolute escalation and an absolute deescalation. Generally and without exception no step is ever missed. I was always on the receiving end and lost many battles until the epiphany hit me... I saw the light. I can now understand what my mom was doing to me when I was a child. She was the 'Master'.

...and I thought I was the one in control. Whether you want to discipline your children, buy a car at the price you want, and even guide or steer a situation your way, then I would suggest you completely understand all the rules of engagement. Play the game!

Soo many stories, not enough time.