According to page 18 in the Hero handbook, the first stage in your training states that you need to be a Trainee first. Then a Sidekick. Then a stage 1 Hero. It is written that at stage 1 you receive your superhero name and your utility belt. I have not turned the page because page 18 has so many paragraphs and sub-paragraphs that it makes the tax law appear to be a nursery rhyme. There is a hero for every situation, occasion and ethnicity. Good or bad. Saintly or morally objectionable. A super hero not only has super powers but a super hero also has a weakness and a villain or two. The super hero might also have a sidekick. For example: Superman has krytonite, Lex Luther and Jimmy Olson, Batman was human, had the Riddler and Robin was his sidekick, etc. I am compelled to ask myself the following questions.
What hero epitomizes the choices I make and my way of life? Is this a Hero of character or acts? Is this Hero fictional or real? How do others see me? What will my obituary say about me? I guess it is time to go see the Man on the Mountain?
Story time...
I share this story with the children. I am not sure if it is true; however, the impact is simple and evident. It goes something like this:
A woman stood amongst the masses to see 'The man on the mountain'. The man on the mountain had made his way to her small town to share life's little gems with this particular community. This man had a way about words. It was said that he could impart wisdom to all ages and it was now or never for this woman to change her son's bad habits.
She had waited the whole day in line for her chance to ask her question. Finally, when it was her turn she pushed her little boy in front of the man on the mountain and said, "Tell my boy to stop eating sugar! Sugar makes him do bad things and rots his teeth.". The man grimaced and pursed his lips. He thought for a moment and said, "Come back tomorrow." The woman was bewildered but agreed. She wondered what gem the man on the mountain would give her son to make him stop eating sugar.
The next day was just like the first. She had made her way up to the front of the line and again said, "Tell my boy to stop eating sugar! Sugar makes him do bad things and rots his teeth.". The man smiled got on one knee and went eye to eye with the little boy. He cleared his tired, dry throat and said, "Stop eating sugar." The woman was aghast! She stepped back and shouted, "THAT"S IT!? I waited all day for one gem of advice for my boy yesterday! I came back today with the hopes of something soooo profound that even I would stop eating sugar. AND all you say to my boy is to stop eating sugar! I could have told him. I HAVE told him. Why didn't you just say that yesterday? I would not have come back today." The man smiled and said humbly, "Because, yesterday I was eating Sugar."
Are my actions contradictory to my demands and vice-versa? If children do not process and rationalize the same way as adults then how can I reason with them if they see these contradictions. I can say, "Yeah, but I am older!" or "Yeah, but when I was a kid.." I, then, hold them in contempt when they say, "Yeah, but you said..." What a motto - Do what I say, don't do what I do! Shouldn't it be 'Do what I do and say what I say"? What a conundrum.
Google me a Hero!
I had to define Hero. Words like self-sacrifice, courage, discipline, strength, adversity, integrity, person of character, and experience all define my hero. I had to think of someone who stood up for a cause. Someone who did not back down from the truth. There was no contradiction in this individuals life. This person would die for whatever the belief. This person would not succumb to evil or 'The Dark Side". Man-o-man. So many choices. What would my Mom and Dad do? Hey.... So I turned my quest over to the kids. I received many answers ranging from God, to sisters, to dogs, to comic book heroes, to themselves. Then, the answer came at me as fast as chasing parked cars. Kids were saying that their Moms and Dads were their heroes. I was compelled to ask "Y". The kids gave the following unscripted observations..
- Food and Clothing
- Love
- Video Games
- Help me make right choices
- Shoes
The #1 answer has always been... Because they are always there for me.
From the mouth of babes.. A Hero stands out. Mom and Dad. There are good ones and bad ones. There is also every stage of hero present in every parental position. What stage am I? I have two teenagers. Is it too late to have a sidekick? Is my wife my arch enemy? Hmmm. Am I her sidekick? I believe that Grandparents rank as one of the last stages in the line of Super Heroes. The reason why they spoil their grand kids and then give them back is so that the parental super hero training can be passed along. Either that or there is such a thing as the 'Parental Curse'.
The Point!
Children are trainees. They use all of their senses to learn from their environment. Sight, sound, touch, taste and smell. They can discern emotion from facial expressions and body language. Making right and wrong choices is a part of the process. Testing the process is ingrained in their composition.
Teens are the sidekicks. Although they lack common sense, they still rely on their 5 senses to escalate or deescalate conflict. The conflict is with peers, siblings, parents and grandparents. And the conflict is generally due to hormones. If they live through this stage, you will get your child back soon enough. Teens often rely on a mentor for "The Truth". How do I know??? I gave my daughters some advice the other day. They both said, "Sure thing Dad." They received the exact same advice from our mentor 'Babysitter' and bam! It was the Holy Grail. Trusted mentors should be a part of every household.
I have come to the conclusion that all I see are Heroes! They just don't know it yet. They may not wish to accept it. They may deny it. But, hopefully, they will accept it and become accountable for their actions.
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