Page 18 of the Parent handbook is clear and concise on this topic. It says and I quote, "No means No!" Was it no fault of my own when my children thought that No means maybe? Or perhaps No means to keep asking until you get the answer you want. Or perhaps No means to rephrase the question and/or make the question into a statement. Or perhaps No means "I am too busy at this moment. Go ask your Mom!" In any household on any block in any neighborhood in any town in any state in any country, if you drive down a quiet street you are bound to hear these 3 little words, "I said NO!" Ask a 5 year old to say those 3 little words and then ask the 5 year old to say it like their mom or dad say it. You will get the 'Look' and perhaps some body language that clearly and unequivocally defines their parents as human.
Marcia, Marcia, Marcia was a different child than Jan. And Jan clearly saw this inequity. I turned my children on to 'The Brady Bunch' in the hopes that my youngest daughter would understand individualism and uniqueness through an anecdotal and campy sitcom. I am sure that Marcia understood her mom/dad the first time asked. Marcia took everything literally. Jan, however, had a different set of rules. Jan read between the lines. Jan analyzed everything. Which sibling needed specific and direct instructions that took all the argument and conjecture out of the instruction? Which one was not literal. I wonder if you know a Jan or a Marcia? I know quite few of each.
The Letter of the Law vs. the Spirit of the Law
So on page 18 of the Judicial handbook it states, and I will paraphrase (hmmm), If the crime is this then the punishment equals this. If the literal interpretation is black and white, is justice served? There might be some extenuating circumstances. Should you take those circumstances into account? What lessons will the individual learn from the consequences? If the Spirit of the Law is the grey area, is justice served? There might be some extenuating circumstances. Should you take those circumstances into account? What lessons will the individual learn from the consequences? AAARGGHHhhhh. I need to get a cup of coffee and have someone tell me what to do. Is the Man on the Mountain available? Is this one of those existential 'Yeah, but' things that chap my hide? Or if I dole out a consequence, am I going to be slammed with 'WHY?'?
Help!
My teaching style mirrors my disciplinary style. It has been my experience that the discipline I use has to be understood by the recipient. It is not always accepted, however, it is fair and just. I try not to take their actions personally and nor should I. Rational processing occurs at what age? (rhetorical). Metaphors, allegories, analogies, parables, fables, historical fact, current affairs are great tools to paint a vivid picture of what is happening and what is yet to come. After all, the stories that I grew up with all had a moral. The stories my mom told me all had a point. I see that NOW.... and... Now it works for me. What works for you? If you don't get my point let me know. I am sure I have a story for you. Or, like I tell my kids, can I draw you a picture.. In black and white of course. :-)
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